Expectations et Receipt

The last day we had in Yaoundé, we learned that while our stage would be posted to the Grand North (the three most northern provinces: Adamaoua, Nord, et Extrème-Nord), agroforestry would be only posted in the North and Extreme North- noone in the Adamaoua. This, after making me want to cry at first, had to make me laugh. It was so perfect. First, of the 9 possible countries I could be sent to for agroforestry in Francophone Africa, Cameroon was my 8th choice. Granted, this was mainly because of not having much knowledge about it, not knowing anyone who had served there, or been there, or was from there. Then I researched it and thought, Ok, thats a pretty cool place. And then I said, Ok, well it has a coastline, at least let me be on the coast. And I learn that there are no agroforestry workers on the coast. So then I pray, Ok, so maybe not on the coast, how about the mountainous region in the west. And I hear through the grapevine that 90 percent of our stage will be going to the Grand North. I prayed "Dear God, please let me be in the south, please dont let me be in the North." Then we get to Cameroon and find that yes, indeed all posts will be in the Grand North, except for two possible health posts in the South. And I said "Ok. Ok. Ill deal with the hot north, and being far from the coast. But God, please please let me be posted in the Adamaoua. Please." And then we find out today that no, in fact you will not be in the Adamaoua. At first this seemed almost crushing, but the fact is, the only thing I can do is laugh. Because in all honesty, I want God to direct things. All last year, God was teaching me this difficult dance of having hopes and dreams and letting go of them. A quote, which I had over my bunkbed at the beach, and then on the wall everywhere else became my mantra: "May all your expectations be frustrated. May all your plans be thwarted.May all your desires be withered into nothingness. That you may experience the powerlessness and the poverty of a child and sing and dance in the love of God the Father, the Son and the Spirit." So here we are again, but thankfully, having grown a little at least, learned a little at least, so that the disappointment back in Yaoundé lasted only a few minutes before humor set in. How much better is it to go through life open, to take what comes, joyfully and peacefully, and to flow with that without specific expectations. I do believe this is a skill which is generally very helpful in Peace Corps!! Dont go in with specific expectations! And what this all hinges on for me is that, in fact, I can make my own plans of what I think is my own best interest, but who knows ones best interests better?

And what I find out is, that in fact, upon getting to Cameroon and getting to know it, I do much prefer the North. The two downsides are the heat and being so far from the ocean. But other than that, I am shown again how my best interest is being watched over, and how much more it turns out that I appreciate and am suited perhaps to the North. The culture of the North generally is much softer, less aggressive, less loud. It is also much more predominantly Muslim and the Arab influence is wonderful (I may actually get to use a tiny bit of Arabic, or perhaps get someone to continue tutoring me!) It is beautiful up here!!! And for now, because it is still the end of the rainy season, it is Green, trees, plants, rice fields everywhere! If I gain skills doing agroforestry in arid lands, those skills may be easily transferable to the Middle East, opening up another continent for work. And if we can learn to help things grow in the desert thats about as extreme as it gets...then how much easier anywhere else, where there is water and less heat? So once again I see that I am exactly where I should be, and where after all, I want to be. And I am grateful for that.

Now do I have the courage-or foolishness-to ask, "Please God, dont send me to the Extreme North"?