Leaving Garoua

Well, today I'm heading out of Garoua, for the last time, for now. I'm taking all my stuff to Mafa Kilda, where I will spend the night and say goodbye to all my friends there. Then in the morning I'll catch the bus to Ngoundere on the side of the road. I'll spend the night in Ngoundere as well, to take the train to Yaounde Sunday night. It's hard to believe! It's also hard to believe that I'm feeling very calm. This is an answer to prayers! I've been making the rounds saying goodbyes to people, and most everyone I've gotten to see. IAnd, thankfully, my things are packed up pretty nicely, with a few overflow items. I just went to the Alliance and said goodbye to some resident artists, picking up a few more last minute gifts and chatting with friends. It seemed like I could be back next week. As I cross the bridge over the Benoue, one more time, heading south out of Garoua, I'll say goodbye to the hippos, whose backs are well visible out of the dry season water level. The last time I crossed it, I counted 12 or 13!

I actually haven't written much lately at all, on the blog or in my personal journal even. Probably because my emotions have been so rollercoaster, so much has been going on in my head, that I haven't even attempted to try to write about it. Maybe I'll regret it later, but I think it has allowed me to be a little less frazeled and get on with the packing and trip. A few things I have noted, mentally: looking forward to the future, and what comes next has helped me not dwell on the past and present and things I will be leaving behind. Having a feeling that I will be back to visit in the not to far future has helped it be easier to leave this time...although this could be an illusion, as I may find the road back here to be much longer or more difficult than I am imagining right now. And finally, the extra three months here, allowing me to finish up a few projects, and moving from the village to Garoua, helped in leaps and bounds. I don't feel rushed leaving, I don't feel like there are loose ends I'm leaving behind. Everything seems completed, and I feel as ready as I could feel I think. What's important is that even if there were things I would like to hold onto, the lifestyle in village, my friends here, my work here, I know that I wouldn't want to continue on in this manner (as a Peace Corps volunteer). I can't stay a volunteer forever, nor would I want to, though it has opened up wonderful doors of opportunity, skills, and relationships. I have finished being a Peace Corps volunteer. It feels completed, full, and a great experince, and also something I don't want to prolong. Thus, knowing that, that I am finished with this life in the context of a Peace Corps volunteer, I am happy to move forward to what comes next, what will open up the doors for the future, perhaps landing me back here down the road, in the same lifestyle and work and endeavors, but a different context, of studies or NGO work, or something else entireley different. Thinking about this has also helped it be easier to move forward, be ready to go home, looking to the future, and not wanting to hold onto the present. Perhaps other volunteers, or workers abroad have felt similarly. So it is I am having one more night in my village, hopefully not the last visit in my life!